DRIVE

You know, I’m not exactly obsessive about making/fixing things, it’s more just a sort of itch. Like the world makes more sense when you’re taking it apart and putting it back together better. Maybe it’s a pathology, some sort of weird subconscious literal take on tikkun olam.

Whatever the reason, I choose to live in a workshop and spend more time than is necessary on certain types of shit-fixing. My vehicles get new fluids and service (realized through my own blood and sweat) on a wicked accelerated schedule. My computers have complex but logical folder structures and my data is archived on an ongoing basis. I get calls all the time from people who have puzzles they need help solving.

Meanwhile, my body is falling apart. Today I went to the dentist because I’ve had a toothache on and off for FOUR MONTHS. It took an extended period of unbearable pain that actually had me running around in circles and banging my head against walls to prompt the trip. 24 hours and $49 later it turns out I have a wisdom tooth that’s partly missing and needs to come out. Got antibiotics and painkillers. It was the first time I’d been to a dentist in almost ten years. Not out of any antipathy, just hadn’t had any problems. Likewise they asked me what antibiotics I usually take (since I’m allergic to the common ones) and I had no idea, because I don’t go to doctors.

It’s not that I’m stubborn, or stupid, or whatever problem those idiotic “get your man to go to the doctor” billboards are trying to address. But maybe my DIY ethos runs a little too deep. I assume I can fix my own problems, and my perceived self-sufficiency or individualism or whatever led to blinding pain, because it turns out I’m one of some percentage of the population who don’t feel anything when their fucking tooth nerve endings are exposed.

So I guess this is the point- from now on I will attempt to approach my physical wellbeing in the same holistic and enthusiastic manner in which I’ve made time and saved money to maintain and improve all of the objects in my life. I’ve done some fun kinds of body hacking before, and while spending every night in the gym is actually really great, that’s not really what I’m talking about. I plan to commit to achieving the basic self-care that we are all capable of, and which ultimately provides the basis for all other enjoyment in life. On a consistent, ongoing basis. Physical equivalent of oil changes or defrags or whatever. This is not a book. Casual disdain for meatspace is a bad way to live.

I own at least a dozen screwdrivers, but not a single pack of floss… nor non-expired multivitamins, nor food stores capable of sustaining life, nor clothes that actually fit my current ungainly form). It’s going to be a slow road, but that’s okay- because it’s the longest of longterm goals. Enjoying life as completely as possible.

And if the ganglion in my wrist grows back, next time I’ll find a better way to deal with it than smacking it with the flat side of a machete.